


a kiss as a catalyst

by ilovenct



Category: Pentagon (Korean Band)
Genre: (that's in yanan's case this is Pure Yanan to the extreme y'all), Blow Jobs, First Time Blow Jobs, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 09:13:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10693962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovenct/pseuds/ilovenct
Summary: Yanan’s request was so sweet, his tone too innocent in contrast with what he had asked for. Through long eyelashes, he looked at Changgu, waiting for an answer, and Changgu took a moment to reply, knowing undoubtedly that stars had filled his own eyes.





	a kiss as a catalyst

Changgu was aware, almost painfully aware, of the fact that Yanan was a friend, nothing more.

 

He was aware that the messages he sent to Yanan were misinterpreted, something along the lines of communication altering the intention between the sender and the receiver. When Changgu would lay next to him and say, “I love you, Yanan, I mean it,” Yanan would smile wide and say “I love you, too,” never knowing that Changgu _meant_ it. Never knowing that the tenderness in Changgu’s voice wasn’t a gift he granted to everyone. 

 

Sometimes, when Changgu would shower him in praises that he never gave to anyone else and Yanan would simply accept it none the wiser, he would catch Hwitaek watching with an expression that resembled pity. Without confession, everyone knew, and Yanan never knew. Changgu had accepted it, accepted their friendship with gratitude even when he craved a long drink of water in place of the tiny sips he was granted. 

 

The one saving grace that stopped Changgu from being pushed to his wit’s end was that, even though Yanan never indulged in him, he never indulged in anyone else either. Yanan was untouched, untainted by the evils of the world, that’s how Changgu saw it. In simpler terms, Yanan was a virgin. So, at least for the moment, Changgu could revel in the (admittedly selfish) comfort of Yanan never being taken by another. He would only feel guilty for enjoying it when he would remember that Yanan was _scared_ of that intimacy, reduced to a bundle of nerves too shaky and overwhelmed to allow himself to let go. 

 

So, of course, he would offer things that Yanan thought any good, close friend would offer. 

 

“Yanan,” he would say, “if you need help, I can help you. I can show you.” Half of him hoped Yanan never realized how suspect the proposal was, half of him hoped he saw how far past the boundary of friendship Changgu really was. The first half always won.

 

Yanan would grin that same bashful grin, shaking his head like Changgu was joking (which he never was). “I don’t know, Changgu. Maybe someday.”

 

Changgu wouldn’t try to convince him. He knew it would be wrong. He’d just nod his head, understanding. “That’s fine, whatever you’re comfortable with.” 

 

Yanan would never be comfortable with it, and despite Changgu’s own selfish desires, that was okay. Anything for Yanan, anything to help Yanan. And anything that would ever hurt Yanan was always out of the question. No matter how much it could hurt himself, if something helped Yanan, it was worth it.

 

— 

 

Yanan had this funny habit of going quiet before saying things that he was afraid of saying. He would be present physically, but he was somewhere else mentally, a look on his face that told of solving puzzles and complicated equations, not speaking to another human being. Changgu knew the look well.

 

“Yananie,” he sang out, watching him from his bed while Yanan sat on his own. “What do you need to say to me?”

 

“Hey, how do you know I need to say something?” 

 

Changgu laughed. “Because you told me you needed to ask me about something. Remember? Probably five minutes ago by now, but still.”

 

“Oh, right,” Yanan conceded. “Well.”

 

“Well…” he prompted him to go on.

 

“Well, I finally thought about it,” Yanan said quietly, and deep within his voice, he sounded shaky. “Can you teach me to give a blowjob?” 

 

Yanan’s request was so sweet, his tone too innocent in contrast with what he had asked for. Through long eyelashes, he looked at Changgu, waiting for an answer, and Changgu took a moment to reply, knowing undoubtedly that stars had filled his own eyes.

 

“Yanan, I don’t understand,” Changgu replied, brow furrowed. “I mean, I understand. I’m just…” He wasn’t sure what adjective completed the sentence best. Confused? Bewildered? Happy beyond any happiness he had ever felt?

 

The other boy’s face burnt bright red, and the way he shrunk whispered something like regret, but not quite. “I want to try it, Changgu. You said you could help me.”

 

Changgu smiled at his words, and slowly Yanan smiled back sheepishly. 

 

“Of course, Yanan. I’ve always told you, anything for you,” he replied quietly, and he knew Yanan had no clue how deep those words ran.

 

“Changgu,” he said softly, “let’s do this now. I don’t want to chicken out.”

 

And like a rumble of thunder in the middle of a sunny summer day — out of the blue, unexpected, a signal of something much more powerful to come — Changgu felt his stomach dropping and his heart rate quickening. He knew he was getting into a situation that would probably only complicate every single emotion he felt even more, but denying Yanan felt impossible. He knew it was impossible.

 

“Okay. Come here.”

 

Slightly unsteady and unsure, Yanan left his bed, throwing a quick, nervous gaze at the door to check that it was locked. He crossed the short distance to Changgu’s bed, and as much as Changgu felt so deeply in that moment, he kept it together for Yanan’s sake. _For him_ , he thought. _This is for him, to help him._

 

“Sit down,” he instructed, and Yanan sat on the bed, both of them facing each other on the bed with legs crossed.

 

Changgu took a deep breath. “Let’s just start with kissing, okay? Just to ease into it.”

 

This wasn’t something foreign for them. Changgu could still remember the first time they’d kissed a few years ago, even through the alcohol that had clouded his mind. Like silly schoolchildren, they had been dared to kiss, giggling their way to each other’s lips. Ever since then, it was like tiny pecks on the lips were routine for them, sober or drunk. 

 

Sometimes — and it always would take Changgu by surprise — Yanan would kiss him longer, harder, normally on the nights when they decided to sleep in the same bed, either due to the winter cold or Yanan craving cuddles. He would linger on Changgu’s lips, pressing softly against them over and over again before pulling away, all timid smiles and flushed cheeks.

 

This time, Changgu knew it would be different. A kiss lacking a dot at the end, a kiss followed by an ellipsis, a kiss as a catalyst.

 

“Okay. I can do kissing,” Yanan replied. 

 

Gradually, carefully, he leaned forward. He took Changgu’s face in his hands, so lightly that Changgu felt like Yanan was afraid to break him. With all his might, he willed himself not to smile into it, and within a moment, Yanan’s lips were against his, warm and soft.

 

Changgu already knew the feeling of Yanan’s kisses, but this one was beyond expectations, stronger than usual, with a hint of apprehension. Yanan’s lips worked slowly against his own, a bit hesitant, and Changgu placed his hands on his hips, encouraging him. He took the prompt as intended, like Changgu’s touch was some sort of praise, some sort of assent for him to do what he wanted. And it was.

 

With each movement of Yanan’s lips, opening and closing, pressing against his, Changgu felt his mind getting hazier, tingling with a warmth that began from his core and spread to every square inch of his body. His hands tugged at Yanan’s shirt to bring him closer, and Yanan’s hands found their way to his hair, and suddenly they were crashing together feverishly enough to make Changgu feel woozy. 

 

Changgu slipped his tongue into the other boy’s mouth, his senses heightening as he felt Yanan tense and then relax again, meeting him with his own tongue. He could tell Yanan was unsure — the kissing he had done was few and far between, and as his best friend, Changgu knew that — but he kept at it with urgency, like he really meant it, and Changgu’s heart felt overwhelmed.

 

He knew he didn’t need to do it, that he was simply supposed to “teach” Yanan the basics, but he let a hand tease at the waistband of his sweatpants, let it wander up under his shirt. He let himself suck at Yanan’s bottom lip, pull at it gently with his teeth, and he felt the goosebumps raise on Yanan’s skin for a moment. They raised on his too.

 

“Yanan,” Changgu said breathily, pulling away after a few long moments had passed. “Kiss my neck, okay? Try that.” 

 

His hand cradled Yanan’s face, fingertips caressing his cheeks, tracing lines back and forth that Changgu intended as ‘I love you’s and ‘I want you’s that he simply couldn’t say.

 

Yanan nodded against his hand, compliant, and Changgu pulled his touch away, allowing Yanan’s lips, now just slightly redder and more plump, to find their place on his skin. He tilted his head back, first feeling the trace of his breath and then lips on flesh, sweetly, starting at his jaw and moving downwards. Changgu’s eyes fluttered shut and his lips parted, and with his mouth unoccupied, he found trouble holding words back.

 

“Good,” he whispered, hand running through Yanan’s hair. “You can… suck a little too.”

 

“Won’t it leave a mark?” he said against his skin, and Changgu felt something deep within him from the sensation.

 

He swallowed hard. “It doesn’t matter.”

 

Yanan kept kissing for a moment before settling on a spot about an inch below Changgu’s jawline, tentatively sucking, softly at first and then with more strength. Changgu stifled a sigh, letting his hand tangle further in Yanan’s hair. 

 

He remained for a little while, and Changgu could already tell a hickey would form there. He wanted it, something other than a memory to make what was happening seem real. He moved to another spot, then another, then another, and Changgu didn’t mind, humming every so often in pleasure.

 

Finally, Yanan left his neck, placing a quick, shy kiss on his lips. “Sorry, I… liked doing that. The hickeys.”

 

Changgu let out a laugh, glowing at his candid words. “Don’t apologize, I liked having you do it.” 

 

“Teach me to do more,” Yanan urged, wavering as he spoke.

 

The edges of Changgu’s mouth turned upwards, hearing requests from Yanan that dripped with honey and made his heart pound. “Okay,” he said, lifting his own shirt over his head, and he had to stop himself from following the ‘okay’ with a pet name. He threw his shirt to the side then reached to Yanan, tugging at the hem of his.

 

“Mine too?” Yanan asked.

 

Changgu paused, hands clutching the fabric. “Only if you want to.”

 

Yanan nodded gingerly, a twinkle in his stare. Changgu pulled it off of him, somehow feeling most intimate in that moment, doing something as trivial as revealing Yanan’s chest. But it was in the way he lifted his arms, the way the collar had rustled his hair, the way he moved at Changgu’s touch. They spent an instant just staring at each other.

 

“I’m nervous,” Yanan admitted.

 

_Me too_ , Changgu thought. Not because of Yanan losing his blowjob virginity to him and whether it would be good or not, but because of what he would feel afterwards.

 

“Don’t be.” He cupped his cheek, placing a light kiss on his forehead. “I’ll tell you exactly what to do.”

 

Changgu laid back on the bed, propping the pillow up and placing his head down on it, watching Yanan as he kneeled on the bed beyond his legs. “Okay. Just take it all off.”

 

He knew he wasn’t imagining the way Yanan’s hands trembled just a little bit as they reached for the waistband, fingers holding onto both his sweatpants and boxers at once. Shy, even though he had seen Changgu naked countless times before, he began peeling the fabric off, and Changgu hated to admit that the soft brush of friction was already enough to bring an ache to his core.

 

Throwing the clothes to the floor, Yanan’s eyes never left Changgu’s crotch, awestruck as though he had never seen his dick or anyone else’s before.

 

“Don’t stare, Yananie,” he teased, hoping to calm his nerves. “It’s not polite.”

 

The air of tension surrounding Yanan seemed to lift, a giggle escaping his lips. “Sorry, you’re right. Isn’t giving you a blowjob pretty polite, though?”

 

Changgu smiled, but he could feel his eyes darkening with lust as he looked up at Yanan, who slowly was inching forward. “Yes, it is.”

 

Yanan inhaled, a deep breath all the way down in his belly, then exhaled, and Changgu watched his chest fall, waiting. He hovered closer, bringing himself downward, and Changgu took his own deep breath, aware that in some ways this could be a terrible, terrible idea. To let Yanan do something like this without any apparent reciprocated feelings was a terrible, terrible idea, but it was Changgu’s offer, and he wouldn’t have revoked it even if he had to relive the situation.

 

“Okay,” Changgu started. “Just lick from bottom to top.”

 

Uncertainty clouding his eyes, he looked downwards until Changgu could only see lids and lashes. Yanan followed the instructions after a single moment of reluctance, trailing his tongue up the shaft, and Changgu had to will away the shiver that ran down his spine.

 

“Good. Now swirl your tongue around the head.” He nearly blushed at the words, as silly as it might have been. Something about teaching Yanan felt so personal, so _erotic_.

 

Yanan did as he was told, slowly working his tongue around the tip of his dick. For an instant, his gaze flashed up to meet Changgu’s, a few pieces of stray hair falling in front of his eyes, and Changgu felt like an electric current was buzzing within him.

 

He inhaled hard before speaking again. “Put a hand around the base and then just… suck.” 

 

Changgu could see the blush that filled Yanan’s cheeks, but Yanan didn’t hesitate at this instruction. He took him in his mouth, one hand lightly wrapped around his dick, slowly starting.

 

“Just up and down,” Changgu said, hardly above a whisper. 

 

He knew he didn’t have to say it — Yanan had already begun finding a pace — but he did anyway, feeling like if he wasn’t there to tell him what to do, then Yanan was simply giving him a blowjob without any explanation, without any reasoning. If there wasn’t this purpose, for Changgu to teach him, then it meant it was something else, and Changgu didn’t want to think about what that something else would be.

 

But Changgu already felt like there was no reason for him to tell Yanan what to do. Because Yanan was _good_ , good enough that Changgu felt like he was getting hustled. Like he had done it a million times before, he had already found a rhythm, moving his mouth up and down, along with his hand at the base. Occasionally, he would flick his tongue over his head, and Changgu could hardly keep composure. _It doesn’t take much to be good at sucking dick_ , Changgu told himself. _But he is so, so good._

 

Faster and faster, Yanan would move, and Changgu’s body would tense. But like with some sort of push and pull, Yanan would slow down, and the stars that had begun filling Changgu’s vision would fade into oblivion. Faster, then slower, then faster again, and Changgu’s head was back, eyes closed and teeth forming indentations on his lower lip.

 

“Good,” he breathed. “Faster. Let me finish,” he finally let the beginning of a plead leave his mouth. 

 

Yanan hummed, his way of complying, and a wave of pleasure hit Changgu harder than before. He reached out, unable to stop himself anymore, putting a hand through Yanan’s hair.

 

“Keep going,” he moaned, and Yanan’s eyes met his, filled with an air of innocent curiosity. “Yanan…” Changgu sighed, squeezing his eyes shut.

 

Silence was an incapability for Changgu now, who was practically chanting out a string of praises for Yanan, using all the willpower he had not to call him baby or angel or anything preceded by “my.”

 

With his pleas now floating through the air, Yanan answered in the form of a faster pace, hand and mouth going up and down at just the right speed for Changgu to sense himself getting closer and closer. With one final hum — which Yanan must have noted drove Changgu wild from the way he had squirmed before — Changgu released himself, a celestial satisfaction overcoming his entire being.

 

When Changgu opened his eyes again, he was greeted by Yanan hovering above where he had previously been, doe-eyed, flushed, swallowing as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Was… was that okay?” he squeaked.

 

_Perfect, incredible, the best, 5 stars_. 

 

“Yes. Yes, it was great, Yananie,” he said simply, controlling the endless adoration that was sure to spill from his lips if he dared to say more than that. 

 

Yanan smiled, clearly proud of himself. “Can I kiss you again? As a thank you,” he inquired with timidity, and Changgu’s heart nearly began racing. 

 

He nodded, and Yanan immediately sprung forward, messily leaving soft kisses on Changgu’s mouth, a hand lazily caressing the side of his face. When he left his lips, Changgu spoke without thinking.

 

“Can I return the favor?” he blurted.

 

Yanan’s eyes widened, jaw slack. “You want to give me a blowjob?”

 

Changgu could feel the heat spreading across his face, feeling slightly embarrassed at his own earnest request. “I just thought you did so well, and… never mind, it’s fine. Just an offer.”

 

Yanan shook his head. “No, it’s okay.” He looked down, avoiding eye contact. “If you want to, I think I’d really like that.”

 

Beaming, Changgu let his fingertips trace Yanan’s jaw. “Lay down,” he said, moving to let him take his spot on the bed. Yanan slowly switched places with him, shyness encompassing his demeanor as he looked up at Changgu. 

 

“Here’s a fun idea,” Changgu tempted, pushing his own hair back. “To make sure you really learned, you can tell me what to do.”

 

The look on Yanan’s face turned pensive, and Changgu could tell he was replaying the words in his mind, considering the answer. 

 

“Okay,” he stammered. “Okay.” He repeated it, this time with more resolve.

 

“Take it off,” Yanan began, voice already unsure. 

 

Changgu sent a devious smile his way, allowing himself to brush across his crotch more than was necessary as he grabbed at his pants. He pulled down slowly, Yanan arching his hips upwards slightly, and Changgu’s body felt overwhelmed at the sight of Yanan, completely hard, exposed to him. He ran his tongue across his lip, completely unaware of the automatic reaction.

 

“Don’t stare,” Yanan managed to get out, his best attempt at mockery when he sounded so shaky. “Not polite.”

 

Changgu chuckled, light and airy. “You’re right.” But he couldn’t understand why Yanan sounded so fearful when the hard part was already over. Now was supposed to be the easiest moment for Yanan, and yet his brow was furrowed in tension. 

 

He ran a hand along Yanan’s thigh. “Hey, are you okay with this?” he asked.

 

“Mhm,” Yanan nodded. “I don’t know why I’m so nervous.”

 

Changgu smirked sweetly. “It’s okay. Tell me what to do next.”

 

Like he was about to witness some sort of incredible event, Yanan marveled at Changgu. “Lick from top to bottom,” he sputtered. 

 

And Changgu did as he was told. Instantly, Yanan let out a noise somewhere between a moan and a gasp, and Changgu resisted laughing in disbelief.

 

“N-now… lick around the head,” he mumbled, eyes glued to Changgu’s mouth. Changgu could feel Yanan already squirming beneath him as he worked his tongue around the tip, ego running rampant with confidence at Yanan’s easy satisfaction. 

 

Yanan’s hand gripped lightly at the sheet before he spoke again. “Up and down,” he said quietly. “Suck up and down.”

 

“What else?” Changgu asked, feigning obliviousness.

 

Yanan paused, thinking, then breathed out a quick reply. “Hand around the base.”

 

At that, Changgu began, mouth and hand around Yanan’s dick, bobbing up and down. His body tensed, legs fidgeting, and Changgu moved his free hand up to where Yanan’s held the sheets. Yanan looked at him with yearning, transferring his grasp to his hand.

 

“Oh, God,” he breathed as Changgu started going quicker, never breaking eye contact, looking on nearly in a trance. “Shit.”

 

His body was in a fit below Changgu, wriggling, tensing, hips bucking upwards without much control. Changgu’s mind was fuzzy with the idea that Yanan was so affected by his touch, pulsating with the idea that Yanan could be so ardent with pleasure because of him. He kept his rhythm, only ever breaking it to work his tongue around the head of his dick, and Yanan squeezed his hand harder, expressing his enjoyment.

 

Yanan’s eyes had finally fluttered shut, breaking the daze of awe he had been in, and he was letting out noises rather than words, unintelligible and hidden under his breath. Soft groans and whispers of pleasure, whispers of approval for Changgu without the formulation of any words. Sweet little gasps. His body spoke for him enough, muscles flexing and legs shaking, his core unable to keep still.

 

“Let me finish,” he was able to say, mimicking what Changgu had said during his turn.

 

At the demand, Changgu kept going, mouth and hand working in synchronization to bring him to orgasm. Within an instant, he was there, coming hard for Changgu as his body let out spasms and his mouth let out a long, loud moan. 

 

Changgu felt so powerful at the pleasured release, but more than anything, he felt a tug at his heartstrings. He felt an ache of love as he watched Yanan, eyes closed tight with lashes gracing his cheeks, pink lips divided and spewing out soft sounds. He felt happy to do that for him.

 

“That good?” Changgu said, chuckling, already knowing the answer from how he had reacted.

 

A sheepish contentment overcame Yanan’s features. “Mhm,” he hummed, sounding fatigued.

 

“I’m glad,” Changgu replied quietly, planting a kiss on Yanan’s forehead. He laid himself next to Yanan, close enough to feel warm as he wrapped an arm lazily around him. Yanan responded immediately, instinctively nuzzling his head into Changgu’s shoulder, letting out a quiet hum of sleepy serenity.

 

Changgu wanted more, so much more, but for the moment, this was enough. Yanan wasn’t quite his, but for now, he could nearly imagine how it would’ve felt for them to belong to each other.

**Author's Note:**

> hello folks this is my very first ptg fic and i am very pleased that i decided to write it about these two cutiepies ^-^ i wrote yanan's innocence to the most extreme level for the sake of this scenario i hope it worked well!!
> 
> shoutout to my favorite lady for inspiring this fic due to our discussion about this adorable ship heh ilu
> 
> any feedback is welcome and highly appreciated! as always!! thank u for reading (*´ ˘ `*).｡oO ( ♡ )


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